I love being married. I love my husband. I think married people always have that thing where they think that the grass is greener on the single side, but all my single friends are like,
AISHA TYLERIf you ever needed to ruin someone’s fun, I mean really poop a party, just move things to the workplace. Fun terminated.
More Aisha Tyler Quotes
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Karaoke is the great equalizer.
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Marriage isn’t a carnival ride.
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I was really unhappy. I had a great job that I should have loved, yet I was miserable. I slowly realized that was because I wasn’t performing. So I just tried stand-up and fell in love with it after one performance.
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I thought I was gonna be an attorney, so I went to Dartmouth and I was a government major and I minored in environmental policy, and I didn’t do anything academically around the arts.
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But I love stand-up, and it’s where I came from creatively, so it’s something I never want to walk away from.
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I always wanted to be as busy as possible so that if one job went away I’d still have plenty of other things to do.
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No one wants to hear about how awesome you were; people want to hear about the time you blew it.
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It is hard, it lasts all day, the lighting is generally fluorescent, and, apparently, drinking at your desk is frowned upon.
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Am I going to complain about being typecast as smart? I don’t think so.
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I will say that stand-up is my first love; it’s how I got started and is in my bones.
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I think I was only attracted to drunken douches before I got married.
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I love to be busy and be challenged. I’m my happiest when I’m under pressure and almost overwhelmed by how much I have to get done.
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I take the most wrenchingly painful moments of my life, brush them off and present them for the amusement of others. Luckily for me, my childhood was torture.
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I’m black, and black don’t crack. It does droop.
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I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.
AISHA TYLER






