There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.
ADAM FERRARAOh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. ‘Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain’t getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.’
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
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You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don’t let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, ‘Well, why’d you put this spoon in this drawer then?’ ‘
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I know she’s just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing ’til you hear water.
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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date.
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Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
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Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, ‘How’s it going with that girl?’ ‘One day at a time, man.’
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I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
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My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you – I hope she meets somebody nice.
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The human body is in constant change the minute we’re born. It’s in a constant state of decay. We’re all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
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Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you’re happy, you let us touch you.
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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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If you’re in California and it’s raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It’s like it’s raining frogs. They’re terrified.
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The girls are beautiful in Hollywood – and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
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Just to p-s you off, that’s why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.’
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I love that magazine, man – Victoria’s Secret – and it comes, like, every three hours.
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
ADAM FERRARA