I love to believe that there’s one god but there’s many different religions so there’s just the question of which long distance company you pick.
ADAM FERRARAOh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. ‘Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain’t getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.’
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
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What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why!
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My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.
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I love my girlfriend, don’t get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It’s a gift.
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
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The girls are beautiful in Hollywood – and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
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My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you – I hope she meets somebody nice.
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I woke up my pop in the middle of the night ’cause the boogie man’s under my bed.
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Just to p-s you off, that’s why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.’
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Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: ‘Swear to God, man – the hooker gave the money back.’
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Whenever she uses the phrase ‘I was thinking…,’ that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
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I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren’t.
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I love that magazine, man – Victoria’s Secret – and it comes, like, every three hours.
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I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’
ADAM FERRARA