Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. ‘Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain’t getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.’
ADAM FERRARAIf you look at a group of people that had faith, it’s got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, ‘I don’t think he knows where he’s going.’
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
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I love to believe that there’s one god but there’s many different religions so there’s just the question of which long distance company you pick.
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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date.
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My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you – I hope she meets somebody nice.
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I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
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You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don’t let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, ‘Well, why’d you put this spoon in this drawer then?’ ‘
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The human body is in constant change the minute we’re born. It’s in a constant state of decay. We’re all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
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The girls are beautiful in Hollywood – and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
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One day in the shower, you figure it out. It’s a special day in a man’s life. I was like, ‘Oh, I found me a hobby.’
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You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you’re on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
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I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you’re happy, you let us touch you.
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My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, ‘Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man’s under the bed!’ Pop opens one eye, he’s like, ‘Is the boogie man bigger than me?’ ‘
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I know she’s just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing ’til you hear water.
ADAM FERRARA