I know she’s just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing ’til you hear water.
ADAM FERRARAIf you look at a group of people that had faith, it’s got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, ‘I don’t think he knows where he’s going.’
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
-
-
The only marriage I’ve observed for any length of time is my parents – 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, ‘Pop, 35 years – what do you hope for?’ He’s like, ‘I hope you die first.’
ADAM FERRARA -
I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.
ADAM FERRARA -
Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
ADAM FERRARA -
My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
ADAM FERRARA -
My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, ‘Adam – uh, don’t kiss guys.’
ADAM FERRARA -
There’s no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie – just a quick sniff, ‘Alright, let’s go.’
ADAM FERRARA -
My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, ‘Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man’s under the bed!’ Pop opens one eye, he’s like, ‘Is the boogie man bigger than me?’ ‘
ADAM FERRARA -
My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you – I hope she meets somebody nice.
ADAM FERRARA -
I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
ADAM FERRARA -
I woke up my pop in the middle of the night ’cause the boogie man’s under my bed.
ADAM FERRARA -
I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
ADAM FERRARA -
The girls are beautiful in Hollywood – and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
ADAM FERRARA -
Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: ‘Swear to God, man – the hooker gave the money back.’
ADAM FERRARA -
Just to p-s you off, that’s why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.’
ADAM FERRARA -
I don’t think it’s fair – you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring.
ADAM FERRARA