Just to p-s you off, that’s why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.’
ADAM FERRARAI think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
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You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you’re on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
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I don’t think it’s fair – you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring.
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There’s no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie – just a quick sniff, ‘Alright, let’s go.’
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I love that magazine, man – Victoria’s Secret – and it comes, like, every three hours.
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The only marriage I’ve observed for any length of time is my parents – 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, ‘Pop, 35 years – what do you hope for?’ He’s like, ‘I hope you die first.’
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I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren’t.
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One day in the shower, you figure it out. It’s a special day in a man’s life. I was like, ‘Oh, I found me a hobby.’
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.
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The human body is in constant change the minute we’re born. It’s in a constant state of decay. We’re all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
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I love to believe that there’s one god but there’s many different religions so there’s just the question of which long distance company you pick.
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If you look at a group of people that had faith, it’s got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, ‘I don’t think he knows where he’s going.’
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Whenever she uses the phrase ‘I was thinking…,’ that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
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Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. ‘Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain’t getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.’
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My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, ‘Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man’s under the bed!’ Pop opens one eye, he’s like, ‘Is the boogie man bigger than me?’ ‘
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Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
ADAM FERRARA