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If you’re in California and it’s raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It’s like it’s raining frogs. They’re terrified.

Adam Ferrara

I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date.
ADAM FERRARA

Animal Compare Date Funny Human Humor Mate Natural Reason Smarted
I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’
ADAM FERRARA

Basically Catholic Feel Funny Good Humor Religion Religious Stop
My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, ‘Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man’s under the bed!’ Pop opens one eye, he’s like, ‘Is the boogie man bigger than me?’ ‘
ADAM FERRARA

Bedroom Big Daddy Huge Man Pop Running
What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why!
ADAM FERRARA

Funny God Going Hell Humor Know Reason Woman
I know she’s just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing ’til you hear water.
ADAM FERRARA

Bathroom Funny Humor. Trying Make Nice Night Now Thing Use
I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren’t.
ADAM FERRARA

Funny Girl Humor Meant Meet Sincerely Sleep
Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. ‘Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain’t getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.’
ADAM FERRARA

Color Come Crass Funny Home Honey Infernal Sound
Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you’re happy, you let us touch you.
ADAM FERRARA

Funny Happiness Happy Humor Important Ladies Touch
My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you – I hope she meets somebody nice.
ADAM FERRARA

Funny Girlfriend Hope Marriage Married Meet Nice She Someone Tell You
I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
ADAM FERRARA

Arrogance Civilization Demise Human Thinking
Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
ADAM FERRARA

Bed Feel Forever Go Like Soul
I love that magazine, man – Victoria’s Secret – and it comes, like, every three hours.
ADAM FERRARA

Every Funny Hour Humor Like Magazine Man Three
I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
ADAM FERRARA

Cause Face Food Funny Humor Hungry Lot Talk Women
If you look at a group of people that had faith, it’s got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, ‘I don’t think he knows where he’s going.’
ADAM FERRARA

Faith Followed Funny Humor Moses People Thinking Group
I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
ADAM FERRARA

Funny Humor Meet Mial Order Perfect Think Thinking Woman
You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you’re on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
ADAM FERRARA

Away Country List Mailing Month People Relative Thing Wife

If you’re in California and it’s raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It’s like it’s raining frogs. They’re terrified.

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If you’re in California and it’s raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It’s like it’s raining frogs. They’re terrified.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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