“I never thought I was funny. I don’t THINK funny.”

I was shy for several years in my early days in Hollywood until I figured out that no one really gave a damn if I was shy or not, and I got over my shyness.

Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead.

I’m not funny. What I am is brave.

I am a real ham. I love an audience. I work better with an audience. I am dead, in fact, without one.

Now get the hell out of here and go change the world.

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

Television is the quickest form of recognition in the world.

Love yourself first and everything falls into line.

I will never do another TV series. It couldn’t top I Love Lucy, and I’d be foolish to try. In this business, you have to know when to get off.

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.

Children internalize their parents’ unhappiness. Fortunately, they absorb our contentment just as readily.

If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it. The more things you do, the more you can do.

Knowing what you can not do is more important than knowing what you can do. In fact, that’s good taste.

People either have comedy or they don’t. You can’t teach it to them.

I’m happy that I have brought laughter because I have been shown by many the value of it in so many lives, in so many ways.

I’m sometimes scared of everything that has happened to us. We didn’t think Desilu Productions would grow so big. We merely wanted to be together and have two children.

I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.

I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.

Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’

Sometimes people ask, ‘Are hockey fights real?’ I say, ‘If they weren’t, I’d get in more of them.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

All I want to do is yoga and hike, and smoke weed. It’s funny.

Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

I seem to have no dress sense at all. I’m always being listed in New York among one of the ten worst dressed men of the year. Someone once described me as “looking like an unmade bed.” He was right!