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My mother was the sweetest lady who ever lived on this planet, but if you tried to tell her that Jesus wasn’t a Christian, she would stomp you to death.

Dick Gregory

I’m not a comic. I’m a humorist.
DICK GREGORY

Career Laughter Myself
If they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol, and caffeine off the market for six days, they’d have to bring out the tanks to control you.
DICK GREGORY

Alcohol Control Yourself
We thought I was going to be a great athlete, and we were wrong, and I thought I was going to be a great entertainer, and that wasn’t it either. I’m going to be an American Citizen. First-class.
DICK GREGORY

Athlete Citizenship Greatness Myself Wrong
I never learned hate at home, or shame. I had to go to school for that.
DICK GREGORY

Deep Education Home Learning Myself Shame
I waited at the counter of a white restaurant for eleven years. When they finally integrated, they didn’t have what I wanted.
DICK GREGORY

Myself Result Wait
I believe young voters will either vote for Obama or not vote at all. So the problem is not Obama the problem is the system. If you think about how mess up this country is, most folk really don’t have choices.
DICK GREGORY

Believe Choice Mess Myself Problem Vote
It was an unwritten law that black comics were not permitted to work white nightclubs. You could sing and you could dance, but you couldn’t stand flat-footed and talk; that was a no-no.
DICK GREGORY

Black Dance Law Sing Talk Writing
You hear entertainers all the time, saying, ‘If I couldn’t get paid for this, I’d do it for free.’ When’s the last time you ever heard a business person say, ‘If I couldn’t get paid for being chairman of British Petroleum, I’d do it for free?’
DICK GREGORY

Career Difference Freedom Time Yourself
Home was a place to be only when all other places were closed.
DICK GREGORY

Home Place
The most difficult thing to get people to do is to accept the obvious.
DICK GREGORY

Acceptance Difficult People Truth
My mother was the sweetest lady who ever lived on this planet, but if you tried to tell her that Jesus wasn’t a Christian, she would stomp you to death.
DICK GREGORY

Death Live Mom Myself Yourself
The only good thing about the good old days is they’re gone.
DICK GREGORY

Goodness Past
There’s a God force inside of you that gives you a will to live.
DICK GREGORY

Force God Live Willing Yourself
In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago, it’s a sport.
DICK GREGORY

Duty Place Right Sports Vote
Makes you wonder. When I left St. Louis, I was making five dollars a night. Now I’m getting $5,000 a week — for saying the same things out loud I used to say under my breath.
DICK GREGORY

Breathe Night Wonderful Yourself
I tell people, ‘If you want to send a message to the White House, call my house.’
DICK GREGORY

Home Myself People

My mother was the sweetest lady who ever lived on this planet, but if you tried to tell her that Jesus wasn’t a Christian, she would stomp you to death.

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My mother was the sweetest lady who ever lived on this planet, but if you tried to tell her that Jesus wasn’t a Christian, she would stomp you to death.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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