“If anyone has a new idea in this country, there are twice as many people who keep putting a man with a red flag in front of it.”

Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed.

People think there’s a rigid class system here, but dukes have been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans.

I’ve never been noticeably reticent about talking on subjects about which I know nothing.

There are always twenty excellent reasons for doing nothing for every one reason for starting anything-especially if it has never been done before.

As so often happens, I discover that it would have been better to keep my mouth shut.

Human population growth is probably the single most serious long-term threat to survival.

A gun is no more dangerous than a cricket bat in the hands of a madman.

If I were reincarnated I would wish to be returned to Earth as a killer virus to lower human population levels.

I have frequently been misrepresented. I don’t hate the press; I find a lot of it is very unpalatable.

British women can’t cook.

It’s a pleasure to be in a country that isn’t ruled by its people.

The man who invented the red carpet needed his head examined.

Everything that wasn’t invented by God is invented by an engineer.

Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, which I’ve practised for many years.

All money nowadays seems to be produced with a natural homing instinct for the Treasury.

We live in what virtually amounts to a museum – which does not happen to a lot of people.

Most of our childhood is stored not in photos, but in certain biscuits, lights of day, smells, textures of carpet.

It’s easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.

I love to love. However, you won’t see anybody walking the red carpet with me until I’m married.

When we look closely, or when we become weavers, we learn of the tiny multiple threads unseen in the overall pattern, the knots on the underside of the carpet

There is no ‘the truth’,’a truth’ – truth is not one thing, or even a system. It is an increasing complexity. the pattern of the carpet is a surface.

The second technique was the ever popular chimney fire and number three had to be the drunken cigarette drop on the carpet.

So wherever the action is happening, we’re taking pieces from that red carpet.

One man’s pet-stained carpet is another man’s Twister game.