There’s only, I think, in life, three things that I do pretty well: Performing, I still can field ground balls, and I make nice kids.
BILLY CRYSTALWhen comedy is good, it’s jazz. The beats of it, the looseness, the improvisational part, the music-the way you hit the inflection, the high notes of a joke. It’s all melody to me.
More Billy Crystal Quotes
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I had really good hearing and when you’re scared it gets heightened so you hear scratching noises or something.
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We were in front of a live audience and I would be acting with the man who was playing my lover, and we used those words, and the audience would titter and laugh, and make me uncomfortable doing the scenes. …
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Good news, they found Nemo! The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck’s puff pastries.
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What’s so fascinating and frustrating and great about life is that you’re constantly starting over, all the time, and I love that.
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I’m a baby. I sleep like a baby – I’m up every two hours. And I think a lot. I worry a lot. I have great nights of no sleep where ideas come.
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When I’ve gotten criticism, it’s that it’s too long, too soft, didn’t hit the government hard enough. Then when I do hit the government, they go, What’s he doing hitting the government?
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Kids need a happy household. They need to be loved and supported in their dreams. And I don’t think you can make your kids’ dreams your own. They need you to support them in their dreams.
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I’m going to go on just living and laughing and loving.
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Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
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Change is such hard work.
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You have to always remember they’re not your own kids. Play with them, love them, spoil them to death – then hand them back.
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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
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I’ve always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That’s why God gave me two hands. Humans love sex, we need sex, it’s how we connect, it reminds us we’re alive, it’s the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.
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I used to limp around my neighborhood imitating him. I did my Bar Mitzvah with an Oklahoma drawl.
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A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it’s really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it’s great.
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