A good way to keep your relationship together is not to scream in terror when you see your partner naked.
BOB SAGETI’m doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it’s fantastic and it makes me very happy. I’m dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I’m working on a new tv show for cable and it’s not set up yet.
More Bob Saget Quotes
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I wouldn’t hurt a flea. I’d finger a spider though.
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I was on Entourage last week smoking a bong and making out with hookers and I did show them that before, cause it wasn’t a hard ‘r’ cause a lot of people are watching that show that they know, not my little one – she’s 12, but very sophisticated so it’s an unusual case.
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I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they’re really hurt, if an ambulance has to come, I’m not laughing.
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It’s 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It’s enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren’t there that are alive.
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I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby’s behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.
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A lot of people ask me what my favorite episode of Full House was, I always tell them: it was the last one!
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My mom just told me it’s impossible to know what’s going to happen in life. Except with breakfast, cause she eats the same thing every day.
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My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death. My humor was an escape.
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You learn who your friends are when you find out who will lie for you.
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Kindness isn’t just a virtue, its a necessity.
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The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously – accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you’re basically working in front of them during what could’ve been specifically ‘quality time.’
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The squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.
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If you’re a host of a video show and you’re on the cleanest show on television for eight years, people want to say, ‘Well, that’s what that person does.’ That was the dilemma for me, career-wise.
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In the creative sense, I’m looking forward to collaborating with people I have mutual respect for to create some really good work.
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I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them
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It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don’t tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o’clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.
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Sometimes I wish I hadn’t said something foolish. It is then that I realize the power of mime.
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A lot of the comedians don’t even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.
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I’m psyched about what I can contribute that can be meaningful to myself and to others.
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If you don’t wake up every day happy, change something.
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Stop It, stop lighting your butthol on fire, and everybody listen to me. If you light your ass on fire, I hope you have boxers or a filter of somekind, because if your a bareass person.
BOB SAGET -
My haircutter figured out I whine less if I’m under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven’t given me a Brazilian wax.
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I have no agenda, nothing to control.
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I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.
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My dad’s like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?
BOB SAGET -
I don’t roll like that but I’ve never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that’s good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that’s a little disturbing.
BOB SAGET