I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
BILLY CONNOLLYI’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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didn’t even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
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When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
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If I had a hammer, there’d be no more folksingers.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
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As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
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I’m a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world’s a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they’re delightful. They all want so little.
BILLY CONNOLLY