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I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby’s behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.

Bob Saget

Not a lot of people have done this. Stop It. This is why. You can cauterize your asshole shut, so when you fart it has nowhere to go and you can have a fart attack.
BOB SAGET

Attack Cauterize Done People
All I’ve ever done is try to entertain my way through a life that often has a huge amount of heaviness in it.
BOB SAGET

Around Done Heaviness Trying Way
A lot of people ask me what my favorite episode of Full House was, I always tell them: it was the last one!
BOB SAGET

House Lasts People
I’m psyched about what I can contribute that can be meaningful to myself and to others.
BOB SAGET

Meaningful Myself Physical
I will always prefer a hardback book, but I’m drawn to digital because it’s so easy to acquire them when I’m having a need-to-read moment.
BOB SAGET

Book Digital Needs
At the end of the day it’s the end of the day.
BOB SAGET

Day End Over Time
Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.
BOB SAGET

Behind Every Great Man Men Prison
Words matter. Especially ones with four letters.
BOB SAGET

Four Letters Matter
If you’re a host of a video show and you’re on the cleanest show on television for eight years, people want to say, ‘Well, that’s what that person does.’ That was the dilemma for me, career-wise.
BOB SAGET

Career Eight Wise
It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don’t tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o’clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.
BOB SAGET

Dirty Jobs Night
I love telling stories and acting and entertaining people. I don’t want to make fun of people.
BOB SAGET

Acting Fun People
I’m a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?
BOB SAGET

Doe Doors Nuts
25, 30 years ago, that meant something, they were making some money. And they were doing all sorts of comedy, screaming at the audience, basically crowd control. And then there was the whole urban comedy scene.
BOB SAGET

Comedy Crowds Screaming Something Sort Years
I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman’s face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce….I thought he was missing.
BOB SAGET

Dressing Missing Salad Sauce
I’d like a nice piece of salmon that’s not too pink inside and yet isn’t too dry or crisp either.
BOB SAGET

Nice Pieces Salmon
I love my mom! You can too for $12!
BOB SAGET

Affection Emotion Love Mom

I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby’s behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.

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I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby’s behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.

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Popular Authors

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