Words matter. Especially ones with four letters.
BOB SAGETI don’t like to drink alone ’cause there’s nobody to fight with.
More Bob Saget Quotes
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And turkeys are a bird. A very nervous bird. You’d be nervous too if you knew that one day you’d get your head cut off and… filled with stuffing.
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I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them
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Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.
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I have three kids, the oldest is 18 and her friends are going to see it The Aristocrats because they told her they’re going to see it, especially her guy friends.
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My favorite Dylan song? I think it’s ‘Just Like a Woman.’ It always makes me cry.
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When a normal 17-year-old girl storms out of the house or 15-year-old boy is mad at his mom or dad, they’re not talking the way people talk on TV. Unless it’s cable.
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I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby’s behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.
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Saw a man in Whole Foods yelling at his son, What are you doing?! You know I don’t eat bread!! Is there such a thing as health food abuse?
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It’s 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It’s enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren’t there that are alive.
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I have no agenda, nothing to control.
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It’s so nice to share a day as beautiful as this one with hundreds of thousands of reckless drivers.
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My wife is a saint. She’s Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won’t eat.
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Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you’re the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.
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I’d like a nice piece of salmon that’s not too pink inside and yet isn’t too dry or crisp either.
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Friend of mine just told me he used to be a bad alcoholic. I calmed him down. Told him he was a good alcoholic just a horrible drinker.
BOB SAGET