“I’m the worst at picking what movies are going to do well. I have no idea. I’m really surprised if a movie I like does well.”

The CIA has a plot…they’ve used before to get rid of world leaders. Only problem…is convincing Hussein…to fly to Dallas.

Humanity is just a virus with shoes.

I believe we all have the Voice of Reason inside us…to gently lead us out of our own self-created hells.

Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.

I…am an evolved being who deals solely with the source of light…in all of us in our own minds. No middleman required.

People often ask me where I stand politically. It’s not that I disagree with Bush’s economic policy or his foreign policy, it’s that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.

The role of the comedian is to say ‘Wait a minute’ when a consensus starts to form.

This Bud’s for yooouuuu.” C’mon, everybody, let’s be hypocritical bastards. It’s okay to drink your drug. We meant those other drugs. Those untaxed drugs. Those are the ones that are bad for you.

When you’re…stepping over a guy on the sidewalk…does it ever occur to you to think, ‘Wow. Maybe our system doesn’t work?’

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children.

I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.

Enjoy your evening. See, I know that you entertain this eternal life fantasy because you’ve chosen not to smoke, but let me be the 1st to POP that bubble and bring you hurling back to reality . . . You’re dead too.

Why is pot against the law? It wouldn’t be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can’t make a profit off it, would it?

While I’ve found many of the religious shows I’ve viewed over the years not to be to my liking, or in line with my own beliefs, I’ve never considered it my place to exert any greater type of censorship than changing the channel, or better yet – turning off the TV completely.

How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? …Seventy percent. What the fuck? Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor?

I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don’t think a Marlboro Light’s gonna faze him that much.

I started working when I was 13, picking up trash, bagging ice.

The ordinary blue pickling cabbage. Set against the blazing blue of the other flowers, it had a bloom and elegance which made it a thing of the greatest delight.

This tendency to consider only bombings or picking up the gun as revolutionary, with the glorification of the heavier the better,we’ve called the military error.

Watching the changing colors [and then] retire to the forest without picking a pawpaw for supper.

You eventually get used to looking at girls picking their leotards out of their bums and that sort of stuff.

I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.