People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn’t share with itself.
BILL HICKSChildbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your fags.
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Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that’s why you giggle the first hour.
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I’ll smoke, I’ll cough, I’ll get the tumors, I’ll die, deal? Thank you America. [salutes]
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What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?
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Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.
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I’m sorry if any of you are Catholic. I’m not sorry if you’re offended, I’m actually just sorry by the fact that you’re Catholic.
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People say to me, Hey, Bill, the war made us feel better about ourselves. Really? What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?
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Are gun rights advocates arguing that roving gangs…shooting innocent bystanders constitutes a ‘well-regulated militia’?
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Humanity is just a virus with shoes.
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I wouldn’t give Satan a snowball’s chance in Hell against a woman’s ego.
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Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.
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Now I wonder why we’re f-ked up as a race. I’ve read the Bible. I can’t find the word “bunny” or “chocolate” anywhere in the f-king book.
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I can’t watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.
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Truly, the only stupid people I’ve ever met, the most absolutely clueless, are the very people that produce television.
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I, like all artists in Western cultures, am a shaman…come in the guise of a comic…to heal perception by using…’jokes’.
BILL HICKS