“As much as I love the whole pirate kind of thing, the quality suffers.”

An inch of progress is worth more than a yard of complaint.

What do you do if you’re in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?

I went to school to be an actor in Canada and realized I hated auditions once I left, which is a huge problem if you want to get a part.

Words matter. Especially ones with four letters.

Kindness isn’t just a virtue, its a necessity.

My favorite Dylan song? I think it’s ‘Just Like a Woman.’ It always makes me cry.

Met a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself. So does $200 seem reasonable?

I will always prefer a hardback book, but I’m drawn to digital because it’s so easy to acquire them when I’m having a need-to-read moment.

My father once told me, and it’s stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

People do what they do to each other and they feed on it.

When someone you love is hurting, if it was possible, you’d want to take their pain for them. But do I really want cramps and sore boobs?

I don’t roll like that but I’ve never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that’s good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that’s a little disturbing.

Ladies, apologies, but isn’t ‘vintage’ just used stuff?

I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman’s face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce….I thought he was missing.

It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don’t tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o’clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.

Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I’m going back to bed.

We’re always looking for the backbone, the central idea, and once you have that you know everything can circle around it.

If we want a better original idea, we must generate our own before we screen others’ suggestions.

The urge to create a fictional narrative is a mysterious one, and when an idea comes, the writer’s sense of what a story wants to be is only vaguely visible through the penumbra of inspiration.

The one word you should forget when you start a new project is the word ‘I’ – you need to replace that word ‘I’ with the idea of ‘everybody else.

Making an idea into an emotion.

Both men have an authoritarian idea of government; democracy is merely a façade.

Merely that you start off with ideas buzzing around in your head, and then you try to give them the simpler, more graceful shape, of a feeling that a reader might share.

I did an album and they allowed me to sell it at the show. I also did a Disney cruise line gig.