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Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.

Bo Burnham

Women are like fingers and toes because they’re easy to count on.
BO BURNHAM

Funny Humor Toes Women
I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.
BO BURNHAM

Bears Beliefs Bipolar Mets
I don’t need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.
BO BURNHAM

Dollars Long Pussy
$Bo Burnham Quote - I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don’t have a great ear. It’s like a tragedy – I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people.$

I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don’t have a great ear. It’s like a tragedy – I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people.
BO BURNHAM

Ability Math Music People Pretty
I’m actually very open to having a conversation about what I should or shouldn’t say.
BO BURNHAM

Actually Conversation Open Say
If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there’s a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.
BO BURNHAM

Comedy Facts People
I’m interested in taboos for certain reasons. They can dramatise things and they’re scary, and they’re important to think about.
BO BURNHAM

Interested Real Scary Thinking
My persona is most importantly just to communicate the material in a way that is most funny and meaningful in the moment. It’s more like a character that’s sculpted for whatever joke needs communicating at the moment.
BO BURNHAM

Character Meaningful Way
I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.
BO BURNHAM

Favors Littles Thinking
Postmodern comedy doesn’t work well with very old audiences, because it’s making fun of the comedy they enjoy.
BO BURNHAM

Comedy Enjoy Fun
I work really hard on the shows and I think the shows speak for themselves. I don’t want to construct the show to prove something.
BO BURNHAM

Speak Thinking Want
I thought I wanted to be a physicist in high school until I learned that there was much more math than philosophy in it. I assumed I would just sit around all day and think.
BO BURNHAM

Math Philosophy School
Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.
BO BURNHAM

Asian Country People Persons
I’m happy with what I’m doing. I try not to focus on how I’ve changed. I just try to focus on what I’m doing now.
BO BURNHAM

Changed Focus Happy Try Trying
And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.
BO BURNHAM

Country Funny Gay Humor Meet Time
Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.
BO BURNHAM

Broke Celebrate Happy Thanksgiving
Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.
BO BURNHAM

Anything Book Good Pussy
Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist.
BO BURNHAM

Bible Jesus Kindness
My first concern is that when you go to a show, you should be present. It’s much more exciting to put the camera down and lose yourself in it.
BO BURNHAM

Camera Down And Firsts
If your belief is hateful towards people, I couldn’t respect that.
BO BURNHAM

Beliefs Hateful People
If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?
BO BURNHAM

Jesus Land Water
People do complain about the way I act on stage… They think on stage I act too arrogant, too self-obsessed, solecistic, self-contained, synonyms.
BO BURNHAM

People Self Thinking
Squaring numbers are just like women. If they’re under thirteen, just do them in your head.
BO BURNHAM

Isquaring Numbers Thirteen
Love is all about… whistles.
BO BURNHAM

About Love Whistle
I remember being superyoung, like nine or ten years old, and thinking, ‘Man, I wonder what famous people eat for breakfast.
BO BURNHAM

Cereal Men Remember Thinking
Comedy is the one absolutely self-aware art form. Actually, hip-hop’s another one, I suppose. Because in your songs you’re talking about how good a hip-hop artist you are. It’s like a painter painting a panting of himself painting a painting.
BO BURNHAM

Art Aware Comedy Self Song
I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.
BO BURNHAM

Donkey Funny Giants Humor

Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.

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Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.

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Popular Authors

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