I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby’s behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.
BOB SAGETWhen a normal 17-year-old girl storms out of the house or 15-year-old boy is mad at his mom or dad, they’re not talking the way people talk on TV. Unless it’s cable.
More Bob Saget Quotes
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I’d like a nice piece of salmon that’s not too pink inside and yet isn’t too dry or crisp either.
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It’s so nice to share a day as beautiful as this one with hundreds of thousands of reckless drivers.
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I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they’re really hurt, if an ambulance has to come, I’m not laughing.
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Sundays are a good day to look at the limitless possibilities of the week ahead. The key is to prolong that feeling by not reading the news.
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Some people rely on rumors and gossip because they are devoid of any original thought.
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I am stressed because once I am flattened out so thin to be able to slide under a doorway, I may never be able to ever be unflattened so I could be regular sized again.
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The favorite method of vice is to diss all responsibility be work or social, go off by myself, and enjoy a good steak and a great glass of wine. Oh yeah, and my kids are there too.
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And turkeys are a bird. A very nervous bird. You’d be nervous too if you knew that one day you’d get your head cut off and… filled with stuffing.
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If you’re a host of a video show and you’re on the cleanest show on television for eight years, people want to say, ‘Well, that’s what that person does.’ That was the dilemma for me, career-wise.
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I have no plan except to take care of the people I love.
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My wife is a saint. She’s Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won’t eat.
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My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that’s how he dealt with my mom.
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I like to approach every day like it’s my first, so this morning when I woke up I covered my body with red gelatin.
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A good way to keep your relationship together is not to scream in terror when you see your partner naked.
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That was not Bob Saget. His comedic style is definitely more twisted, and he has an edgier side than he showed in Full House.
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I don’t censor myself, but I don’t want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.
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Valuable people are undervalued.
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My haircutter figured out I whine less if I’m under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven’t given me a Brazilian wax.
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Words matter. Especially ones with four letters.
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My mom just told me it’s impossible to know what’s going to happen in life. Except with breakfast, cause she eats the same thing every day.
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I become a chameleon for wherever I am.
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My dad’s like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?
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I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.
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A lot of people ask me what my favorite episode of Full House was, I always tell them: it was the last one!
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Concerned we’re in a time where politicians can’t even fake sincerity. Aren’t they supposed to be good at that?
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All I’ve ever done is try to entertain my way through a life that often has a huge amount of heaviness in it.
BOB SAGET