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Calvin: ME TARZAN! KING OF JUNGLE! Suzy: Nice underpants. Does your mom know you’re over here like this? Calvin:…I don’t think Jane EVER said that to Tarzan.

Bill Watterson

It’s psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I’ll get a saw.
BILL WATTERSON

Lobotomy Needs Saws
Years from now, when I’m successful and happy, …and he’s in prison… I hope I’m not too mature to gloat.
BILL WATTERSON

Envy Successful Years
Van Gogh would’ve sold more than one painting if he’d put tigers in them.
BILL WATTERSON

Painting Solve Tigers Vans
Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
BILL WATTERSON

Command Information Thorough Useless
Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
BILL WATTERSON

Demand Ecstasy Enough
I can never enjoy Sundays, because in the back of my mind I always know I’ve got to go to school the next day. It’s like trying to enjoy your last meal before the execution.
BILL WATTERSON

Enjoy School Smock Sunday
Know what’s weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything’s different.
BILL WATTERSON

Change Different Funny Life
Calvin the zombie searches for food. Horribly, the undead feed upon the living! …Although, in a pinch, a PBJ will do, if you eat it messily enough.
BILL WATTERSON

Enough Undead Zombie
I suppose if we couldn’t laugh at things that don’t make sense, we couldn’t react to a lot of life.
BILL WATTERSON

Comic Existentialism Laughing Strips
But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He’s one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!
BILL WATTERSON

Demand Kind Sacrifice
If people looked at the stars each night, they’d live a lot differently. When you look into infinity, you realize that there are more important things than what people do all day.
BILL WATTERSON

Inspirational Nature Stars
Calvin:”It says here that ‘religion is the opiate of the masses.’…what do you suppose that means?” Television: “…it means that Karl Marx hadn’t seen anything yet
BILL WATTERSON

Mean Opiates Television
I keep forgetting that rules are only for little nice people.
BILL WATTERSON

Littles Nice People
And it will be even more exciting if anyone pays for them. It’s hard to charge admission without a gate.
BILL WATTERSON

Admission Anyone Exciting Gate More
Buttons … check. Dials … check. Switches … check. Little colored lights … check.
BILL WATTERSON

Buttons Funny Light
Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. I love loopholes.
BILL WATTERSON

Loopholes Pubbawup

Calvin: ME TARZAN! KING OF JUNGLE! Suzy: Nice underpants. Does your mom know you’re over here like this? Calvin:…I don’t think Jane EVER said that to Tarzan.

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Calvin: ME TARZAN! KING OF JUNGLE! Suzy: Nice underpants. Does your mom know you’re over here like this? Calvin:…I don’t think Jane EVER said that to Tarzan.

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