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I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track.

Bill Watterson

Calvin the zombie searches for food. Horribly, the undead feed upon the living! …Although, in a pinch, a PBJ will do, if you eat it messily enough.
BILL WATTERSON

Enough Undead Zombie
I’ve got plenty of common sense! I just choose to ignore it.
BILL WATTERSON

Common Ignore Plenty Sense
Even when you look for it, you’re never prepared for it.
BILL WATTERSON

Looks never Prepared
I tell you all this because it’s worth recognizing that there is no such thing as an overnight success.
BILL WATTERSON

Detours Ideas Recognizing Success Trying
Years from now, when I’m successful and happy, …and he’s in prison… I hope I’m not too mature to gloat.
BILL WATTERSON

Envy Successful Years
That’s the whole problem with science. You’ve got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.
BILL WATTERSON

Problem Science Trying Unimaginable
Calvin:”It says here that ‘religion is the opiate of the masses.’…what do you suppose that means?” Television: “…it means that Karl Marx hadn’t seen anything yet
BILL WATTERSON

Mean Opiates Television
Although I’m certainly glad cartoons are finally getting some respect as an art, I’m fairly ambivalent to see cartooning as a legitimate academic offering. If comics need to be deconstructed and explained, something is really wrong with them.
BILL WATTERSON

Art Deconstruction Needs Offering Sometimes
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
BILL WATTERSON

Contact None Sometimes Think Universe
It’s a cruel season that makes you get ready for bed while it’s light out.
BILL WATTERSON

Light Sleep Summer
I don’t know how to spell it and I’m not allowed to say it. Could you just rattle off all the swear words you know and I’ll stop you when…Hello?
BILL WATTERSON

Allowed Hello Rattle Say Stop Swear Words
We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.
BILL WATTERSON

Allow Current History Need Prejudices Versions
Things are never quite as scary when you’ve got a best friend.
BILL WATTERSON

Best Friend Friendship Inspirational
Tomorrow we’ll not only seize the day, we’ll throttle it.
BILL WATTERSON

Day Seize Throttle Tomorrow
Sleepwalking?” “Nightmare?” “Homicidal psycho jungle cat!
BILL WATTERSON

Cat Nightmare Psycho
It’s psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I’ll get a saw.
BILL WATTERSON

Lobotomy Needs Saws

I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track.

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I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track.

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