“I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track.”

Calvin: Dad where do babies come from? Dad: Well Calvin, you simply go to Sears, buy the kit and follow the assembly instructions. Calvin: I came from Sears? Dad: No you were a blue-light special at K-Mart – almost as good and a lot cheaper!

Since September it’s just gotten colder and colder. There’s less daylight now, I’ve noticed too. This can only mean one thing – the sun is going out. In a few more months the Earth will be a dark and lifeless ball of ice. Dad says the sun isn’t going out.

They can’t chain my spirit! My spirit runs free! Walls can’t contain it! Laws can’t restrain it! Authority has no power over it!

I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.

Few things are less comforting than a tiger who’s up too late.

The way Calvin’s brain is wired, you can almost hear the fuses blowing.

I don’t enjoy lettering very much, but that’s the way I write and that belongs in the strip because the strip is a reflection of me.

Ah, the life of a newspaper cartoonist – how I miss the groupies, drugs and trashed hotel rooms!

Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.

To invent your own life’s meaning is not easy, but it’s still allowed, and I think you’ll be happier for the trouble.

Years from now, when I’m successful and happy, …and he’s in prison… I hope I’m not too mature to gloat.

So, what’s it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don’t recommend it.

Calvin: ME TARZAN! KING OF JUNGLE! Suzy: Nice underpants. Does your mom know you’re over here like this? Calvin:…I don’t think Jane EVER said that to Tarzan.

Surprise is the essence of humor, and nothing is more surprising than truth.

As “Calvin and Hobbes” went on, the writing pushed the drawings into greater complexity.

Maybe that’s why it’s hard to tell if we’re living in a tragedy or a farce. Calvin: We need more special effects and dance numbers.

I don’t do politics. I just like to laugh.

The only time I get sick of making people laugh is when I’m in a non-writing-joke mode, and I just can’t seem to come up with anything new that’s funny. That’s a tough place to be as a comedian.

If somebody makes me laugh, I’m his slave for life.

I felt at some point that I had nothing to lose, and [laughs] maybe I was wrong. I think, you know, there’s always these little autobiographical secrets behind things. I think I was really attacking my earlier self, and this kind of pretentious figure.

I’m going to go on just living and laughing and loving.

It seemed to be a makeshift replacement for love, absenting oneself from stifling atmospheres, because love basically was a torrential storm of feeling; it thrived only in partnership with laughing generosity and truthfulness.

Laughing is such a pure and natural thing I try to laugh every day. Think that’s one of the most important things in life.

So far, I’ve only sailed in the Caribbean. I’ve sailed the Virgin Island and The Grenadines. I liked all that. We charted some really crummy boats in the Grenadines. That made for an exciting sailing trip (laughs) when everything goes well.