“Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?”

Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm’s Thermonuclear League of Liberty.

If people looked at the stars each night, they’d live a lot differently. When you look into infinity, you realize that there are more important things than what people do all day.

Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?

All the new media will inevitably change the look, function, and maybe even the purpose of comics, but comics are vibrant and versatile, so I think they’ll continue to find relevance one way or another. But they definitely won’t be the same as what I grew up with.

The strips I admire go farther than a gag a day, and take us into a special world.

There are no restrictions of taste, approach, or subject matter. The gatekeepers are gone, so the prospect for new and different voices is exciting. Or at least it will be if anyone reads them.

Sleepwalking?” “Nightmare?” “Homicidal psycho jungle cat!

Calvin: Trick or treat! Adult: Where’s your costume? What are you supposed to be? Calvin: I’m yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet.

Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.

I’d hate to have a kid like me.

I know the world isn’t fair, but why isn’t it ever unfair in my favor?

I think of football as a sport the way ducks think of hunting as a sport.

My whole problem is that my lips move when I think.

You have the Swiss Army Knife of mental tools, and it’s going to come in handy all the time.

I like my smock. You can tell the quality of the artist by the quality of his smock. Actually, I just like to say smock. Smock smock smock smock smock smock.

Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!