People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
BILLY CONNOLLYI loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ’til you got here.
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If you give people a chance, they shine.
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Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you’ve blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that… wrll, it’s because the national anthem is boring.
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Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.
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There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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Well, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
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I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
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Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, “Did you fall?” He said, “No, I’m tryin’ to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.”
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A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They’ve been offending other people for centuries.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
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Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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I loathe hecklers. I haven’t got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone.
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I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly
BILLY CONNOLLY