I used to love to call L.A. when I lived in New York… Is that the Big One I hear in the background? Bye, you lizard scum! Bye!
BILL HICKS[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is…thinking, ‘This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.’
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts…Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me.
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If you’re so pro-life, do me a favour: don’t lock arms and block medical clinics. If you’re so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.
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As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people.
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It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
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They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer
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Music is a great energizer. It’s a language everybody knows.
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They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven’t proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven’t seen the stats on that yet.
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I’ll smoke, I’ll cough, I’ll get the tumors, I’ll die, deal? Thank you America. [salutes]
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I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself – to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.
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Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. “I believe God created me in one day.” Yeah, looks like he rushed it.
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I saw…a kid on a leash. You seen these people? Kid on a leash? How horrible. Put him in the pound where he belongs.
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You know what I hate about working? Bosses…The very idea that ANYONE could be my boss, well…I think you see the conflict.
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Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks.
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You want a better world…? Legalize pot right now. …end the deficit? Legalize pot right now…biggest cash crop in America.
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Caffeine from Monday to Friday to energize you enough to make you a productive member of society, and alcohol from Friday to Monday to keep you too stupid to figure out the prison that you are living in.
BILL HICKS