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I’m glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, “My God! I love everything.” Yeah, now if that isn’t a hazard to our country…

Bill Hicks

Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.
BILL HICKS

Rocks Thinking World
If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD’s and burn them.
BILL HICKS

Burning Drugs Political Thinking
You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know during the Persian Gulf war those intelligence reports would come out: “Iraq: incredible weapons – incredible weapons.” How do you know that? “Uh, well… we looked at the receipts.”
BILL HICKS

Country Funny Humor Intelligence War
…love rather than fear…this radical philosophy is coming from me, an avowed misanthrope…surely there is hope for us all.
BILL HICKS

Philosophy Radical
I’m a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.
BILL HICKS

Funny Humor Two
Let’s do some comedy. I always like to add some comedy to my show. Those who’ve seen me before might know that.
BILL HICKS

Add Comedy might Show
Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. “I believe God created me in one day.” Yeah, looks like he rushed it.
BILL HICKS

Belief Funny God Humor Rush
When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
BILL HICKS

Funny Humor People Two
Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts…Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me.
BILL HICKS

Artistic Causes Commercial Sound
Pot is a better drug than alcohol. I’ll prove it to you. You’re at a ball game or a concert, and someone’s really violent and agressive and obnoxious, are they drunk or are they smoking pot?
BILL HICKS

Drunk Games Marijuana Obnoxious
If you’re so pro-life, do me a favour: don’t lock arms and block medical clinics. If you’re so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.
BILL HICKS

Block Cemeteries Funny Humor
At least he f-kin’ jams! If it’s a choice between eternal Hell and good tunes, and eternal Heaven and New Kids on the f-kin’ Block … I’m gonna be surfin’ on the lake of fire, rockin’ out.
BILL HICKS

Block Eternal Kids Least Out Rocking
Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.
BILL HICKS

Land might Pick Please
I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night.
BILL HICKS

Eight Night Sleep
I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, “Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest.” This guy was reaching.
BILL HICKS

Country Light Thinking
That’s why I always recommend a psychedelic experience because it makes you realize that all you’ve learned is in fact just learned and not necessarily the truth.
BILL HICKS

Drug Facts Make Psychedelic Realize

I’m glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, “My God! I love everything.” Yeah, now if that isn’t a hazard to our country…

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I’m glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, “My God! I love everything.” Yeah, now if that isn’t a hazard to our country…

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Popular Authors

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