“There are many in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summertime and the poor get it in the winter.”

There are those who argue that everything breaks even in this old dump of a world of ours.

I suppose these ginks who argue that way hold that because the rich man gets ice in the summer and the poor man gets it in the winter things are breaking even for both. Maybe so, but I’ll swear I can’t see it that way.

We all get the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer. The poor get it in the winter.

Shoot first and never miss.

Every dog, we are told, has his day, unless there are more dogs than days.

If you want to hit a man in the chest, aim for his groin.

Never run a bluff with a six-gun.

A fool must now and then be right, by chance

I can imagine no more comfortable frame of mind for the conduct of life than a humorous resignation.

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

Some songs are too repetitive for me to be able to fashion a humorous set of lyrics around. Some songs flat-out just don’t work creatively for me.

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does.

You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day.

A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.