“A Clinical Study. Taking some time to read each night really taught me how to feign narcolepsy when my husband asked me what my “plan” was for taking down the Christmas tree.”

If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you.

Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.

When a man plays a woman in a dress, you’re halfway there. It’s inherently funny. When a woman plays a man, for whatever reason, it’s not that instant kind of funny.

There is no one of-woman-born who does not like Red Lobster cheddar biscuits. Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar and a Socialist.

Don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions… Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.

Don’t be too precious or attached to anything you write. Let things be malleable.

Life is improvisation.

In order to feel safer on his private jet, actor John Travolta has purchased a bomb-sniffing dog. Unfortunately for the actor, the dog came six movies too late.

Sometimes you want to have a very productive Saturday to feel that you are in control of your life, which of course you are not.

In an attempt to make things easier for myself, which is the basis for all of history’s worst decisions […].

When I turned 50, I looked in the mirror and I thought: “Hey, this isn’t the dress rehearsal, this is life and I don’t know how much longer I’m going to have!”

People lose their minds, trying to prove their parental worth by getting their children into one of five colleges; when there are thousands of good colleges across the United States – and elsewhere.

‘How do you juggle it all?’ people constantly ask me, with an accusatory look in their eyes. ‘You’re screwing it all up, aren’t you?’ their eyes say.

I hire people that are good, and aren’t crazy. Or assholes. Because that takes up too much time. There are just as many good people who are not crazy.

What Turning Forty Means to Me I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn’t used to have to do that. But now I do.

Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.

For many, Christmas is also a time for coming together. But for others, service will come first.

I think men of science as well as other men need to learn from Christ, and I think Christians whose minds are scientific are bound to study science that their view of the glory of God may be as extensive as their being is capable.

What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

Christmas Day was special because everybody is watching at home. That’s what I loved about Christmas Day because it shined the spotlight on the Lakers, on our team.

And we knew that all of the other leagues were at home and millions of people were watching. So it made it a special day to play on Christmas.

Christmas for me is all about spending time with my family. I cherish any chance we have to spend all day together making gingerbread houses, baking cookies, or sitting around and watching movies.

The Christmas message shows us that this love is for everyone. There is no one beyond its reach.