“I never make a face when they try to flagrant or hack-a-Shaq me, because I’m not from this planet. Earthlings don’t faze me.”

If he were on fire, he couldn’t act as if he were burning. He can’t out-act me on the big screen.

When you flop, that’s just another message that you don’t know how to play me. Stand up and take your medicine like a man.

I just want everyone to know I’m suing Ruben Studdard. He had his hand on my ass and he wouldn’t let go.

Before I became the ‘Great Test of the West,” I was the ‘Beast of the East.’

There was a kid that had five brothers and sisters, and the family was missing for like five days. I was watching TV, they [found each other] and now they’re in San Antonio. So I bought them a little apartment in San Antonio. But I’m doing stuff like that all over.

My message to little kids who aspire to be anything they want to be is to listen to their parents.

Every time that I’ve won a championship I’ve looked at my guys around me and looked at their work ethic and said ‘You know what, I’m going to win it this year. I feel that way now.

We’re focusing on the whole pie, not a slice. A slice is good, but it’s not good enough to get you fat. We’re trying to get fat.

It’s sort of like in the movie The Karate Kid when Daniel said he needed Mr. Miyagi. And Mr. Miyagi gave him that confidence to believe he really didn’t. These guys think they really need me right now, but they don’t.

I urge all children to listen to their mothers and fathers. My mom was helping out some kids and she didn’t want to call me for all of the money; she only wanted to take care of some of the kids.

There is no answer to the Pythagorean theorem. Well, there is an answer, but by the time you figure it out, I got 40 points, 10 rebounds and then we’re planning for the parade.

I’m going back to the old Shaq. I was normal last year – I was an earthling last summer. I had to go back to my alien roots.

I’m always ready for a change. I’m Irish. I’m a leprechaun.

It’s LeBron’s team. He’s the captain. This is the time in my career where I can fit in. I’m now in the security business. My job is to protect the King, and that’s what I’m here to do.

As a basketball fan, I get sick and tired of people talking about numbers. To me, the world is getting too materialistic.

I had an awful first quarter but I picked it up. To all you single guys out there, it’s not how you start the date, it’s how you finish it sir.