“I’m going back to the old Shaq. I was normal last year – I was an earthling last summer. I had to go back to my alien roots.”

Everybody is not going to like it, but I don’t care if they like or not. I’m Bush, so if they don’t like it resign.

This is a guy who they would have secret meetings about to change the rules. So, that’s going to be my legacy: the most dominant player ever.

I endorse only products I actually use. Like Wheaties keeps offering me money, but I don’t eat Wheaties, so I can’t do it. Now, if Rice Krispies or Frosted Flakes offered me a deal, I’d take it right away. Apple Jacks, I’d be on the box in a heartbeat. Apple Shaqs. Yeah.

I don’t think anything of Laura Frank. You heard me – Laura Frank. Not Lawrence. Laura… It’s not that I blame him, I just wish he’d go to a manly tactic and just fight me. Don’t whine. When he whines, that’s when I change his name of Lawrence Frank.

Once you learn how to do something, you don’t lose it. Unless you die.

They shot the ball well early. What comes out of the microwave hot doesn’t always stay hot. I know, because I eat bagels in the morning.

Why don’t you bring your face up here and let me punch it? Then you can tell me (if I’m stronger).

But, hey I did everything the right way and earned my spot in this game, nothing was given to me.

Kobe always tried to be a hero. But you know, as the saying goes, a hero ain’t nothing but a sandwich.

Some things you just can’t question. Like you can’t question why two plus two is four. So don’t question it, don’t try to look it up.

I’m just getting better and better. It’s just like a bunch of worker bees protecting the king bee, because I’m not a queen bee. I’m a king bee.

The best quality about Kobe Bryant? You want me to be honest? I don’t know. I’ll tell you why. I open my arms to everybody. But he never stepped forward for the embrace. So I never really got to know him. I don’t know anything about him, and it’s kinda sad.

Anyone can win a slam-dunk contest. The real Superman is dead. He was assassinated by Pat Riley. I’m the Big Cactus now and ready to roll again.

All of my projects are done right because I know the game, and I consider myself a rap expert.

The problem with kids these days is they don’t have enough fun stuff to do. When I was stationed with my family in Germany, youth basketball programs gave me something to strive to do my best at.

I’m going to be on a mission. I’ve handled my personal vendettas and handled them well.

I wanted to do a war movie, a western and an alien movie. In reality, there are a lot of ugly things happening in the world.

Without alienation, there can be no politics.

Let us never forget that government is ourselves and not an alien power over us. The ultimate rulers of our democracy are not a President and Senators and Congressmen and Government officials but the voters of this country.

Let us never forget that government is ourselves and not an alien power over us.

I wonder if, in fact, we have been observed by aliens and upon close examination of human conduct and human behavior they have concluded that there is no sign of intelligent life on Earth.

After 50 years of television, there’s no other conclusion the aliens could draw, but that most humans are neurotic, death-hungry, dysfunctional idiots.

Aliens are definitely real.

Immortals are never alien to one another.