“I was a left-handed dentist who made people cry.”

Finding good players is easy. Getting them to play as a team is another story.

Never make predictions, especially about the future.

No baseball pitcher would be worth a darn without a catcher who could handle the hot fastball.

Everybody line up alphabetically according to your height.

I was not successful as a ball player, as it was a game of skill.

Don’t cut my throat, I may want to do that later myself.

You got to get twenty-seven outs to win.

The trick is growing up without growing old.

Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It’s staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in.

The trouble with women umpires is that I couldn’t argue with one. I’d put my arms around her and give her a little kiss.

The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.

You gotta lose ’em some of the time. When you do, lose ’em right.

Son, we’d like to keep you around this season but we’re going to try and win a pennant.

Sure I played, did you think I was born at the age of 70 sitting in a dugout trying to manage guys like you?

The secret of successful managing is to keep the five guys who hate you away from the four guys who haven’t made up their minds.

Don’t drink in the hotel bar, that’s where I do my drinking.

Pets reflect you like mirrors. When you are happy, you can see your dog smiling and when you are sad, your cat cries.

Nobody lived my life. Nobody cried my tears. So don’t judge me.

It’s times like this when it’s over a year later and I’m still crying over you that I want to turn to you and say: See – This is why I asked you never to kiss me.

There is a certain pleasure in weeping.

A new leadership. A choice. A chance. Don’t cry about what you don’t have. Use what you got.

She is the epitome of majestic sadness whenever she cries.

There are a lot of questions I keep asking myself about why I do comedy. I guess I laugh to keep from crying. And I guess if you ever get me crying, I might not stop. This is the way I look at tragedy or else I’ll cry.

Strength is crying, stumbling, falling, and yet finding the courage to get up and start yet again.