“I was desperate for new material, so anything I can write a joke about that works is in the act. No matter who it offends, or who it bothers – doesn’t matter if its something my wife hates.”

I was a huge fan of comedy when I was a child.

I’m not the judge of who that is, but I am a believer that no debt in the universe goes unpaid. If you try to buy early, you’ll pay late.

If I’m not in the theatre, I’m in an open mic night or doing a guest set at the Comedy Club, or whatever, just trying to develop stuff.

I write all of my material. It’s all me.

I’ve gathered some of my close musical and comedian friends, and we’re going to see if we can’t bring a few laughs to these soldiers, raise some money, and hopefully lift their spirits.

I don’t think we have a surplus of fine educators in this country that we can just start dropping them for no reason whatsoever.

Movies are boring. It’s like watching paint dry. I did a little role in a movie, and it was eight lines. I was there for three days. It’s just horrible.

I think the world has their own good, clean, Christian comedy. They don’t need my help.

Ultimately I’m the writer for me, but also, anytime one of my friends gets stuck with a bit, they can call me, and I’m pretty good at helping them get there.

I always wanted to be a popular comedian.

I get e-mail from all over the world, and from lawyers and doctors and whoever – plumbers and drywall hangers.

If I see someone out there mouthing the words to a bit, I’m not having fun.

I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative.

There have been times in my life that I’ve had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.

The Majestic Theatre in San Antone is as good as it gets.

I was talking to a guy who was holding his 18-month-old daughter with the only limb he had left, and he had a smile on his face. I thought, ‘I’m not even a 10th of this man.’

Anything that we can do to raise personal savings is very much in the interest of this country.

Most people will never know anything beyond what they see with their own two eyes.

I must say, I never expected to see the day where I would be talking about anything other than reducing the debt, I’m running into the tyranny of zero, which is where you can’t reduce (the debt) any more

I don’t speak anything very well. The longer that you travel, you find out that you really don’t even need to speak the language to get around and get things done, to live in those places.

It’s not for anything other than an escape from what is perceived to be a fiat money system, paper money, that seems to be deteriorating.

We will have more crises and none of them will look like this because no two crises have anything in common except human nature.

t’s really an encouragement of discipleship, it looks like anything else that we’re offering to anyone else, any other person struggling with any other issue in their life.

I’ll buy metaphor, but simile’s a cop-out used by scaredycats who won’t commit to anything. Simile’s for cowards.