As a former writer for the ‘National Lampoon,’ I’ve probably contributed to the sea of sarcasm in which we live.
P. J. O'ROURKEWhatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Every vote should carry a serial number, so that responsibility for harmful or careless use of the vote can be traced. Concealed voting should be outlawed.
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You can’t get rid of poverty by giving people money.
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Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.
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People are not ants or bees. We do not reason or love or live or die collectively.
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Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.
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No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it’s probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are.
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You can’t destroy America by destroying our elite. Think about America’s elite. Think about it down through history. Destroy our elite, and about half the time, you’re doing us a favor.
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I don’t even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I’ve never used a computer.
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Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
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Mikhail Gorbachev was the Jimmy Carter of the Communist bloc. The Russians hate him.
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Barack Obama is more irritating than the other nuisances on the Left.
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I believe in God. God created the world.
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I’m old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now.
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People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth.
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Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact.
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Liberals are always proposing perfectly insane ideas, laws that will make everybody happy, laws that will make everything right, make us live forever, and all be rich. Conservatives are never that stupid.
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The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
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I like fiction and the kind of history that gives the grace and flavor of fiction to the past. No bloviation on current events, please. I can write that junk myself.
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Hubris is one of the great renewable resources.
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Some people have facts; these can be proven. Some people have theories; these can be disproven. But people with opinions are mindless and have their minds made up about it.
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Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I’m not even sure we can draw lessons from them.
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Stupid is a great force in human affairs.
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Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
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The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.
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I read good. I was an English major.
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I was very much in favor of the Iraq invasion.
P. J. O'ROURKE