The real purpose of welfare is to get rid of poor people entirely. Everybody knows welfare has bad effects; that’s the point.
P. J. O'ROURKEGovernment is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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If we heard that somebody starved to death in Sweden or Switzerland, we would be shocked.
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A humorist doesn’t really do that much note-taking.
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Don’t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.
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No industry in living memory has collapsed faster than daily print journalism.
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The budget doesn’t have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn’t have much control over the budget.
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People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth.
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Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
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Nobody is making Americans buy Chinese goods.
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Fiscal conservatism is just an easy way to express something that is a bit more difficult, which is that the size and scope of government, and really the size and scope of politics in our lives, has grown uncomfortable, unwieldy, intrusive and inefficient.
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Supposedly, summer vacation happens because that’s when the kids are home from school, although having the kids home from school is no vacation. And supposedly the kids are home from school because of some vestigial throwback to our agricultural past.
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The best and brightest don’t go into politics. The best and brightest are at Goldman Sachs.
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When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
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Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
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Just because a subject is serious doesn’t mean it doesn’t have plenty of absurdities.
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Liberals have invented whole college majors – psychology, sociology and women’s studies – to prove that nothing is anybody’s fault.
P. J. O'ROURKE