You can’t get rid of poverty by giving people money.
P. J. O'ROURKEEverybody in the Middle East wants to explain why they’re right.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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The beauty of democracy is that an average, random, unremarkable citizen can lead it.
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Mikhail Gorbachev was the Jimmy Carter of the Communist bloc. The Russians hate him.
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Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
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Nobody is making Americans buy Chinese goods.
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America wasn’t founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.
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I’ve got a 1990 Porsche 911. It’s just a Carrera, a very simple, straightforward little thing that goes like stink. I love it.
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The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.
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Computers seem a little too adaptively flexible, like the strange natives, odd societies, and head cases we study in the social sciences. There’s more opposable thumb in the digital world than I care for; it’s awfully close to human.
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I’m too tough and sensitive to have to have some pubescent twerp with his mom’s earring in his tongue, who combs his hair with Redi-Whip and has an Ani DiFranco tattoo on his shin, come show me how a computer works.
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When I’m in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me.
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America has to act. But, when America acts, other nations accuse us of being ‘hegemonistic’, of engaging in ‘unilateralism’, of behaving as if we’re the only nation on earth that counts. We are.
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Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.
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No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it’s probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are.
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I read good. I was an English major.
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We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.
P. J. O'ROURKE