What Alexander Graham Bell thought up occupied less space than a flower vase. Now it’s so small that I have to search all my pockets to discover I’ve received a spam text.
P. J. O'ROURKEEverybody in the Middle East wants to explain why they’re right.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
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Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God’s infinite mercy, a last resort.
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I’m old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now.
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Computers seem a little too adaptively flexible, like the strange natives, odd societies, and head cases we study in the social sciences. There’s more opposable thumb in the digital world than I care for; it’s awfully close to human.
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I read good. I was an English major.
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To mistrust science and deny the validity of scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You’d better go look for work as a plant or wild animal.
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Mikhail Gorbachev was the Jimmy Carter of the Communist bloc. The Russians hate him.
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The Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions.
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The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.
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Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.
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Think what evil creeps liberals would be if their plans to enfeeble the individual, exhaust the economy, impede the rule of law, and cripple national defense were guided by a coherent ideology instead of smug ignorance.
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All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.
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They are just really stupid people in Hollywood. You write them a script, and they say they love it, they absolutely love it. Then they say, ‘But doesn’t it need a small dog, and an Eskimo, and shouldn’t it be set in New Guinea?’ And you say, ‘But it is a sophisticated romantic comedy set in Paris.’
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Hubris is one of the great renewable resources.
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Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
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We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.
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We will win an election when all the seats in the House and Senate and the chair behind the desk in the Oval Office and the whole bench of the Supreme Court are filled with people who wish they weren’t there.
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Explosion of positive rights started in 1932 with the election of Roosevelt.
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Let’s reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools – and use it on the teachers.
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If you think health care is expensive now, just wait ’til it’s free.
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Everybody in the Middle East wants to explain why they’re right.
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Rich people don’t like to be in the military. The shoes are ugly and the uniforms itch. Rich people don’t go in much for revolution or terrorism, either.
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Will Generation X and the Millennials do a better job running the world than the boomers have? Let’s hope so.
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No doubt the ridiculous politicians are right to like politics. They have found careers in which success can be achieved by being ridiculous. Imagine Jimmy Carter or George W. Bush rising to the top of any other profession.
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My dad died when I was young; my mom remarried with more haste than sense to a fellow… he wasn’t evil or anything, but he was worthless.
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Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
P. J. O'ROURKE