English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit.
ALAN CORENBut even today, ninety per cent of the items covered by the word are forgettable objects in which cigarettes can be left to go stale.
More Alan Coren Quotes
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But even today, ninety per cent of the items covered by the word are forgettable objects in which cigarettes can be left to go stale.
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Kumquats ripen, open and plop flatly to the floor-and outside, in a neat, trimly-hoed kitchen-garden.
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The word “souvenir” has, of course, slightly extended itself in meaning until it now denotes almost anything either breakable or useless.
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All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.
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Being a personality is not the same thing as having a personality.
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There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn’t all the water gush out when you get in?
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Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a “Wirtschaftswunder,” which can be briefly translated as “The best way to own a Mercedes is to build one.”
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The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.
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The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.
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10.30 Newsnight: What Are The Chances Of World War Three Breaking Out After You Have Gone To Bed?
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Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come.
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I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
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Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild heliotrope abandon, lotuses writhe with poppies in the sweet warm beds.
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Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.
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Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.
ALAN COREN