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A humorist tells himself every morning, “I hope it’s going to be a rough day.” When things are going well, it’s much harder to make the right jokes.

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Day Every Going Hard Hope Humorist Joke Morning Much Rough Well

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come.
ALAN COREN

Beautiful Come Inspirational never Tomorrow May Yesterday
The word “souvenir” has, of course, slightly extended itself in meaning until it now denotes almost anything either breakable or useless.
ALAN COREN

Anything Breakable Denote Either Extend Meaning Slightly Souvenir Useless
Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a “Wirtschaftswunder,” which can be briefly translated as “The best way to own a Mercedes is to build one.”
ALAN COREN

Brief Curent Enjoy Lost Mercedeas Own Translate
English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit.
ALAN COREN

Unlusiocous Bohemianism Curiously English Fruit
Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild heliotrope abandon, lotuses writhe with poppies in the sweet warm beds.
ALAN COREN

Bed Flower Heliotrope Hothouse Inside Lascivious Lotus Orchid Passion Poppies Sweat Sweet Warm Window
Why they emigrated is not exactly clear, but many scholars believe it was because they saw the way Sweden was going, i.e. neutral.
ALAN COREN

Clear Country Emigrate Exactly Go Neutral Saw Scholar
Being a personality is not the same thing as having a personality.
ALAN COREN

Neing Persoanlly Personality Sam Thing
A humorist tells himself every morning, “I hope it’s going to be a rough day.” When things are going well, it’s much harder to make the right jokes.
ALAN COREN

Day Every Going Hard Hope Humorist Joke Morning Much Rough Well
To have a grievance is to have a purpose in life.
ALAN COREN

Grievance Life Purpose
10.30 Newsnight: What Are The Chances Of World War Three Breaking Out After You Have Gone To Bed?
ALAN COREN

After Bed Break Chance Gone Newsnight Out Three War World
It is a magic carpet under which everything has been swept.
ALAN COREN

Been Carpet Unde Everything Magic Swept
Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.
ALAN COREN

Both Chocolate Product Remember Snow Solid Something
All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.
ALAN COREN

All Bird Date One Pigeon Sparrow
Ethnically, the Germans are Teutonic… being made up of Vandals, Gepidae, and Goths, all of whom emigrated – south from Sweden in about 500 BC.
ALAN COREN

Country Emigrate Ethnical Made South Up
The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.
ALAN COREN

Axminster Bottom Down Fall Humour Make People Role Top Writhe
The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.
ALAN COREN

Accident Act Cannot Incur Designation God Insurance Policy Roughly
Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.
ALAN COREN

Dehydrate Exist Land Merely Sea Speak Strict
Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they’ve told you what you think it is you want to hear.
ALAN COREN

Choose Consist Democrat Hear Think Want
Disneyworld… is a historical reconstruction as sanitised as the Kremlin’s, and a future vision as uncognisant of contemporary pointers as Peter Pan’s.
ALAN COREN

Contemporary Disneyworld Future Historical Person Point Reconstruction Sanitise Uncognisant Vision
But even today, ninety per cent of the items covered by the word are forgettable objects in which cigarettes can be left to go stale.
ALAN COREN

Cigarette Cover Even Forgettable Item Lest Ninety Object State Today
I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
ALAN COREN

Footprint Item Manufacture Payroll Sometimes Wonder
Kumquats ripen, open and plop flatly to the floor-and outside, in a neat, trimly-hoed kitchen-garden.
ALAN COREN

Carrier Cold Flatly Garden Kitchen Kumquat Order Outside Ripen Row
There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn’t all the water gush out when you get in?
ALAN COREN

Advert Age Bathtub Greatest Gush Mystery Old Out Surely Walk Water
Malta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.
ALAN COREN

Bread Country Delicacy Local Only World
Jacob is a German Shepherd. (I have never understood why they aren’t called German Sheepdogs. What do the Germans call shepherds?)
ALAN COREN

Call Country Extend Person Sheepdog Shepherd
Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.
ALAN COREN

Coner Interim People More People Room Stand Television

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