“I am not making this up. Needless to say, as soon as I discovered that, I gave up meat entirely.”

Got a brand new semi-automatic weapon with a laser sight. Oh, I’m praying that somebody tries to break in here tonight.

Many years ago I found out something about hamburgers that really grossed me out. You may not know this, so I hope I don’t make you sick, but it turns out hamburgers are actually made out of dead cows.

On the other hand, I can get all the Metallica songs I want for FREE! WOW!

I think I’m equally as abusive as the editors normally are for the “Letters and Tomatoes” column, which is the fan mail part of MAD Magazine and an ongoing feature.

There’s enough people that do unfunny music. I’ll leave the serious stuff to Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline.

In the ’80s, I was the only game in town, I was the only one getting that kind of exposure in any rotation on MTV.

No Joni Mitchell 8 track tapes in my car.

That’s something the kids should know about. Reading is a gateway to witchcraft and lesbianism.

I’ve always known that if I recorded an album, it would come out, and people would enjoy it!

Left all my Beatle records out in the sun, got a coke bottle stuck on the end of my tongue.

One of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with in my career is keeping my material topical even though I only release albums every three or four years.

I do original songs in the style of other artists, where I try to learn all their musical idiosyncrasies and try to do something that sounds like them and yet is a bit more sick and twisted.

Doing things that I don’t know how to do, and keep doing them until I get good at them.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people’s heads.”

Right now I’m listening to a lot of Top 40 music, because THAT’S MY JOB.

I suppose I had my rock star fantasies while I was singing into my hairbrush in the bathroom mirror, but I never really consciously said, ‘OK, this is what I’m going to do for a living and I’m going to be Weird Al.’

Clearly, either in the Soul alone, or in the Soul as employing the body, or in some third entity deriving from both. And for this third entity, again, there are two possible modes: it might be either a blend or a distinct form due to the blending.

By the sole fact of his entering into ‘Thought,’ man represents something entirely singular and absolutely unique in the field of our experience. On a single planet, there could not be more than one centre of emergence for reflexion.

Man is unable to see himself entirely unrelated to mankind, neither is he able to see mankind unrelated to life, nor life unrelated to the universe.

Leave the matter of religion to the family altar, the church, and the private school, supported entirely by private contributions. Keep the church and state forever separate.

Jealousy lives upon doubts. It becomes madness or ceases entirely as soon as we pass from doubt to certainty.

Most of us still caged within careers chosen for us by our not entirely worldly 18-22 year old selves.

The “Highway 61” album [of Bob Dylan] was produced by Bob Johnston if I’m not incorrect. And Bob Johnston was an entirely different producer than Tom Wilson.

The entirety of this discourse was such that it encouraged the kind of ascendancy for a man like Ayatollah Khomeini.