“When I was a kid, I thought I was going to be an architect, because when I was 12 years old I had a guidance counselor that convinced me that that was the best career choice for me.”

You can play some schlock like New Kids On the Block.

My velvet Elvis means the world to me. Although he may not be worth much dough, he means more to me than some old Rembrandt or Van Gogh.

As much as people are griping about the Internet taking sales away from artists, it’s been a huge promotional tool for me.

Didn’t have Nintendo, we just poured salt on snails.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

It’s hard to force creativity and humor.

I don’t think there are any new media I’d like to cover.

I can’t get too offended when somebody parodies me.

The window doesn’t open, the fan is broke, and my face is turning blue. I haven’t been in a crowd like this since I went to see the Who.

In a genre where most of the artists are one-hit wonders, I’ve been able to hang around longer than most “serious” acts. I pride myself in being a very talented leech.

I think that nerds, if you want to call them that, have only gotten more hip and assimilated into the culture.

Because you’re supposed to lose yourself in the character, but sometimes people look at a character and go “Oh, it’s ‘Weird Al.'”

My personal taste doesn’t enter into it a lot when I make my decisions as to what to parody.

There are probably a few library fines I haven’t paid yet, but I’m a pretty clean-cut guy overall.

I’d rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue than spend one more minute with you.

Probably 90 percent of my albums have polka medleys.