“Somebody will come up to me after a show and have me sign their arm, and the next time I see them my autograph has been permanently inscribed on their arm.”

In the ’80s, I was the only game in town, I was the only one getting that kind of exposure in any rotation on MTV.

No Joni Mitchell 8 track tapes in my car.

That’s something the kids should know about. Reading is a gateway to witchcraft and lesbianism.

I’ve always known that if I recorded an album, it would come out, and people would enjoy it!

Left all my Beatle records out in the sun, got a coke bottle stuck on the end of my tongue.

One of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with in my career is keeping my material topical even though I only release albums every three or four years.

I do original songs in the style of other artists, where I try to learn all their musical idiosyncrasies and try to do something that sounds like them and yet is a bit more sick and twisted.

Doing things that I don’t know how to do, and keep doing them until I get good at them.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people’s heads.”

Right now I’m listening to a lot of Top 40 music, because THAT’S MY JOB.

I suppose I had my rock star fantasies while I was singing into my hairbrush in the bathroom mirror, but I never really consciously said, ‘OK, this is what I’m going to do for a living and I’m going to be Weird Al.’

I’m obviously not a rapper, and I don’t have any claims to be one, really.

I start with a comprehensive list of all the recent songs that have been big hits – and then I go down that list and see if I can come up with funny ideas for them. I can always come up with ideas, but not necessarily good ones!

I’ll be mellow when I’m dead.

A lot of artists have really been supportive over the years.

They somehow didn’t see the need for an accordion player. That’s when I realized that I had to find my own path in life.

Look, I don’t want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you’re alive you’ve got to flap your arms and legs.

An armed society is a polite society.

If you are full of motivation as a player, if you are full of concentration, I am open arms.

The trouble with women umpires is that I couldn’t argue with one. I’d put my arms around her and give her a little kiss.

Valor is stability, not of legs and arms, but of courage and the soul.

The Constitution preserves the advantage of being armed which Americans possess over the people of almost every other nation where the governments are afraid to trust the people with arms.

A well regulated militia, composed of the body of the people, trained in arms, is the best most natural defense of a free country.

I have nothing to do with opinions. I deal only with armed rebellion and its aiders and abettors.