“Asking the question whether the mainstream media has a liberal or conservative bias is like asking whether al Qaeda uses too much oil in their hummus.”

I get satisfaction when I write something I like, when I’m happy with it.

People who have severe mental illness are in Hell. People who have lost a loved one are in Hell.

Bob Dole used to be really funny. Barney Frank can be kind of funny. Bob Kerrey has a good sense of humor.

But when the veteran has a dog, the same people will come up and say, ‘Hi’ to pet the dog and then strike up a conversation.

If someone hacks your password, you can change it – as many times as you want.

There’s an appeal to the American sense of exceptionalism, that we’re morally superior, as way to not be self-critical. I think that’s a bit dangerous.

No one is more sensitive to the issue of overeating than the creator of Stuart Smalley.

The Fourth Amendment doesn’t apply to corporations.

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way.

Technology is an incredible tool – it connects people to each other.

Net neutrality has been in place since the very beginning of the Internet.

We need an investigation, because we don’t know what Donald Trump owes Russia.

There is a subset of Democrats who tend to mis-fill out ballots. The way you mark the ballot is like an S.A.T. – you fill in the circle. And the subset of people who tend to, like, put a check there instead, or an X, or fill it out wrong.

People lucky enough to live in the vicinity of an industrial hog farm are, with each breath, made keenly aware of the cause of their declining property values.

Some of George W. Bush’s friends say that Bush believes God called him to be president during these times of trial.

I do personal attacks only on people who specialize in personal attacks.

There aren’t many downsides to being rich, other than paying taxes and having relatives asking for money. But being famous, that’s a 24 hour job right there.

If a potato can produce vitamin C, why can’t we? Within the animal kingdom only humans and guinea pigs are unable to synthesize vitamin C in their own bodies. Why us and guinea pigs? No point asking. Nobody knows.

Now we’re asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don’t know right from wrong, and why it doesn’t bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Well, the first time I ran into the term religion, people were asking whether you had any. You know, some people had religion and some people didn’t have religion

Asking the right questions is as important as answering them

I’ve learned to ask people, “You’re doing very well so what are you doing? Let me tell other people.” So what’s made me who I am, my experience.

If you are asking me if I would advocate that the Chinese go to greater flexibility in their exchange rate, I certainly would.

There is no such thing as a dumb question but there is such a thing as a dumb person asking a question.