“I like the company of guys. I have a lot of good girlfriends that I really love, but you know, most of my close friends are men.”

Pop culture hales you and wants you to fail.

Successful people just don’t let failure define them or keep them from doing what they want to do. For example, I’d have people come up to me after my shows, and they’d say they want to do stand-up but are scared they’re going to fail. I’d tell them,

the freedom to live a life free of fear of violence, to select a fulfilling career and be compensated fairly, to choose when to start a family, to marry whom you love.

No one wants to hear about how awesome you were; people want to hear about the time you blew it.

Much like a wobbly toddler or an unhinged politician, one immediately looks for someone else to blame. God. Your parents. Ex-girlfriends. Undocumented immigrants. Marvin in Human Resources. China.

I always tell people that if you really want to know somebody, they should listen to that person’s interview with me. I spend a lot of time with my guests.

I love Toronto. I love it. I love Toronto. I love Canada. I can’t wait to get back. Can’t wait to have some Timbits.

I was really unhappy. I had a great job that I should have loved, yet I was miserable. I slowly realized that was because I wasn’t performing. So I just tried stand-up and fell in love with it after one performance.

I like grown up comedy.

I love to be busy and be challenged. I’m my happiest when I’m under pressure and almost overwhelmed by how much I have to get done.

But I think what diversity brings to any daypart is more eyeballs, just more opportunity.

So what I would say to other people is to just embrace who you are because you will become instantly happier.

All these young books for women are like I’m 29 with a closet full of Prada shoes and I can’t get a date. Come on.

I have always been a softie, and I fight it with every fiber of my being. Sadly, my being’s fibers need to hit the gym.

It is hard, it lasts all day, the lighting is generally fluorescent, and, apparently, drinking at your desk is frowned upon.

I love to be busy and be challenged. I’m my happiest when I’m under pressure and almost overwhelmed by how much I have to get done.

I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note: “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pants. ” So I wrote back: “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I’m not cutting off three inches for anyone.

You should settle the issue right there. One who runs away from suffering out of fear is the most foolish person of all. He will simply increases his stupidity endlessly.

I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.

It’s precisely the people who are considered the least ‘likely’ leaders who end up inspiring others the most.

Peace is the most valuable commodity. And it’s free!

Investigate yourself to find the truth – inside, not outside. Knowing yourself is most important.

The most so far, because she found the saddest thing of all to be the simple truth of her capacity to move on.

The family is where most of our joy comes from.