I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
TIM ALLENIf it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
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For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
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Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
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When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
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Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, “And let there be aluminum siding.” Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree’s on a golf course, all the better.
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
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Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
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I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
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When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine – this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
TIM ALLEN