“Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don’t pay attention.”

You know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!

It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.

Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.

The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’

Beating Newt Gingrich in a popularity contest is like beating Stephen Hawking in ‘Dancing with the Stars.’

As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.

Maybe a president who didn’t believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed.

Curious people are interesting people, I wonder why that is.

Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.

Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”

Hollywood isn’t your cesspool, America. It’s your mirror.

What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don’t call him stupid because they don’t agree with you politically.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m the Beatles.

Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.

You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.

I always compare marriage to communism. They’re both institutions that don’t conform to human nature, so you’re going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.

Though motherhood is the most important of all the professions – requiring more knowledge than any other department in human affairs – there was no attention given to preparation for this office.

The more clearly we can focus our attention on the wonders and realities of the universe about us, the less taste we shall have for destruction.

My mother once said “If you don’t pay attention to age, then it won’t pay attention to you.” And she says it, and it sounds nice, but I don’t buy it.

It would be very sad if children had no memories before those of school. What they need most is the love and attention of their mother.

The amazing thing about love and attention and encouragement and grace and success and joy is that these things are infinite. We get a new supply every single morning, and so we can give it away all day. We never, ever have to monitor the supply of others or grab or hoard.

There is nothing as precious to man as a sound mind in a sound body and it is essential that the physical well being of our people merits as much attention as its spiritual welfare

It undoubtedly feels nice when you are being appreciated and you get complimented by girls. Who doesn’t like that? Having said that, I don’t take it as any pressure.

If you have a beautiful face you don’t need fake boobs to get anyone’s attention.