“Anyone can write. But comedy, you’ve got to do some writing. You get one comedy script to every 20 dramas.”

The trouble with women? Elbows.

I’ve had such a great time, I’d like to come back as me – and do it all over again.

I always exposed the weakness rather than the nastiness.

A man should dress in a way that you don’t notice. He looks good and you don’t know why. But it’s the tailoring, the materials, and the clothes.

I have never seen it but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built and it is terrific.

Save your money. You’re going to need twice as much money in your old age as you think.

The best research for playing a drunk is being a British actor for 20 years.

You’ve got to be flexible. Directors do a massive amount of planning and homework, and if after all that your director decides to throw it all out of the window and shoot spontaneously, then you must follow his lead.

Some men aren’t looking for anything logical, like money. They can’t be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.

I never bring a role home with me. The moment they say, ‘It’s a wrap,’ it’s gone completely. I’m a totally ruthless professional, and life is my family, not my work.

In film, other actors’ performances really are not your concern. If the other actor isn’t giving you what you want, act as though he were.

I never regret anything. I always said that when I’m old, I want to be sitting there regretting the things that I did and not the things that I didn’t do; and now I’m old, and I don’t regret anything! I had fun. I had fun, and I’m still having it.

Hollywood is a cross between a health farm, a recreation center and an insane asylum. It’s a company town, and I happen to like the company!

A lot of people said, Who do you think you are? I told them I know exactly who I am and I’ll tell you exactly where I’m going.

I have been rich and I have been poor. I know which one I prefer.

Books were my window on the world. Growing up at the Elephant and Castle, which was very rough, my paradise was the library.

Lord, what fools these mortals be!

The arts community still has a long lasting cynicism of the importance, or the artistic value, of comedy. Comedy is just farting about for money.

The one thing I would never wish it to be thought is that you play serious roles in order to achieve some sort of respectability which you can’t if you’re playing comedic roles.

I consider myself more of a visual comedian than a physical one.

A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.

There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.

Anything that is not funny at a certain point will be funny.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm. I really hope no one misinterprets this quote as being about masturbation.