“Never seen my friends do more push-ups, trying to challenge Cruises’ manhood. It was like, I can be strong, too!”

I was raised by a mother who told me I was great every day of my life.

I’m getting older, and it happens. You don’t care as much. I don’t care about too much anymore. I’ve got to think about that a little bit.

When I take my kid to school, all the parents stop and stare.

Alright, remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.

I don’t know what drives me to succeed. I know I want to always do the best I can. I never was like that as a kid.

I did rocks, all this dumb stuff. But now it’s just trying to stay afloat and just get through the days.

The only reason I got into stand-up was because my brother told me to. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I was 17 and my brother went to a comedy club and he said – you can do that.

Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!

I don’t want to run around with new people. I feel safer with my friends.

I read to my kid, but I can’t stand reading.

Feels good to try, but playing a father, I’m getting a little older. I see now that I’m taking it more serious and I do want that lifestyle.

Sometimes you can’t prioritise family and you feel guilty.

I’ve always just had troubles with my family because I’m psychotic. It had nothing to do with that.

I still like doing stand-up now, but it’s not the same. It used to be that I was out there with five other comedians. Now I usually just do it alone.

Chemistry can be a good and bad thing. Chemistry is good when you make love with it. Chemistry is bad when you make crack with it.

I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.

Don’t be afraid to challenge the pros, even in their own backyard.

Every time someone starts talking about weight, it takes away from the fight. No one is born at that weight. We grew into that weight. It is all about the challenge, more so than the weight.

I am going to get world-wide recognition from whoever wants it, and whoever wants to challenge me.

I’ve challenged Cain Velasquez to a fight three times. He’s a little boy who doesn’t want to fight. He said no, live on TV.

I love the new technology. New things give you a reason to want to go to the studio. New challenges mean you have to keep up, you know?

Life is meant to be a challenge, because challenges are what make you grow.

Those who are unconquered in spirit are the real successes in life. If you can so train or condition your mind that you are content regardless of what you have or do not have, and if you can stand the challenge of all your trials and remain calm-that is true happiness.

My love, I challenge you to liberate your destiny and free your dreams from your limiting belief.