“Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.”

Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.

Spring time is the land awakening.

Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.

Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.

If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.

Yankees don’t understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.

There’s no such thing as being too Southern.

There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.

Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

It’s better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.

Sometimes life is easier when you intentionally choose not to understand the meaning behind, when you try to look away from what’s apparent to the eyes of the mind.

How wonderful our life is. One has only to realize this and surround yourself with the right people.

Being present in the life of someone you love is the best gift you can offer.

Life did not stop, and one had to live.

She wished she never knew him, but how would she learn the lesson if it wasn’t because of his filth.

Sometimes we get so caught up in our daily lives that we forget to take the time out to enjoy the beauty in life.

Loneliness passes through whoever makes the right decisions in life.

Self-respect is the most vital factor in life.