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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

Erma Bombeck

Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
ERMA BOMBECK

Determination Difference Fame Greatness Success
Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.
ERMA BOMBECK

Family Food Funny Planning Politics Religion
There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
ERMA BOMBECK

Gift Morning Sad Spiritual Wake Up World
People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
ERMA BOMBECK

Doctor Funny Humor People Survive Money
Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
ERMA BOMBECK

Design Fashion Human Literature Myself
Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Ideas Light Myself Yourself
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
ERMA BOMBECK

Food Funny Life
I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
ERMA BOMBECK

Death Experience Food Funny Hope Humor Man Myself Pieces Travel
It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
ERMA BOMBECK

Communication Inspirational Life Listening Suffering
Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
ERMA BOMBECK

Food Improvement Time
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
ERMA BOMBECK

Give Up Guilty
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
ERMA BOMBECK

Death Game Himself Legal Man
Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
ERMA BOMBECK

Clean Experience Food Funny God Oneself Religious
Success is outliving your failures.
ERMA BOMBECK

Failure Growth Inspirational Live One Liner Success
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
ERMA BOMBECK

Food Funny Humor Moments Woman
If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
ERMA BOMBECK

Chance God Growth Life Magic Moments Myself Pregnant

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

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