The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.
DOROTHY PARKERThe definition of eternity is two people and a ham.
DOROTHY PARKERBy the time you swear you’re his, Shivering and sighing. And he vows his passion is, Infinite, undying. Lady make note of this — One of you is lying.
DOROTHY PARKERI know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, but in all history, which has held billions and billions of human beings, not a single one ever had a happy ending.
DOROTHY PARKERThe writer’s way is rough and lonely, and who would choose it while there are vacancies in more gracious professions, such as, say, cleaning out ferryboats?
DOROTHY PARKERIf you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.
DOROTHY PARKER[On the ringing of her doorbell or telephone:] What fresh hell is this?
DOROTHY PARKER[On being shown an apartment by a real estate agent:] Oh, dear, that’s much too big. All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.
DOROTHY PARKEROf Orson Welles: It’s like meeting God without dying.
DOROTHY PARKERThey sicken of the calm who know the storm.
DOROTHY PARKERIt’s not the tragedies that kill us; it’s the messes.
DOROTHY PARKERThere’s life for you. Spend the best years of your life studying penmanship and rhetoric and syntax and Beowulf and George Eliot, and then somebody steals your pencil.
DOROTHY PARKEROh, seek, my love, your newer way; I’ll not be left in sorrow. So long as I have yesterday, Go take your damned tomorrow!
DOROTHY PARKERDon’t look at me in that tone of voice.
DOROTHY PARKERA little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika.
DOROTHY PARKERMoney cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.
DOROTHY PARKERDucking for apples — change one letter and it’s the story of my life.
DOROTHY PARKER