[On the ringing of her doorbell or telephone:] What fresh hell is this?
DOROTHY PARKERThe definition of eternity is two people and a ham.
More Dorothy Parker Quotes
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Ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Said after she had been seriously ill: The doctors were very brave about it.
DOROTHY PARKER -
I hate writing, I love having written.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
DOROTHY PARKER -
All I say is, nobody has any business to go around looking like a horse and behaving as if it were all right. You don’t catch horses going around looking like people, do you?
DOROTHY PARKER -
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Telegram to a friend who had just become a mother after a prolonged pregnancy: Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you.
DOROTHY PARKER -
I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it’s so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.
DOROTHY PARKER -
I can’t write five words but that I change seven.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Don’t feel bad when I die; I’ve been dead for a long time.
DOROTHY PARKER -
I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I’m under the table/After four I’m under my host.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Friends come and go but I wouldn’t have thought you’d be one of them.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Maybe it is only I, but conditions are such these days, that if you use studiously correct grammar, people suspect you of homosexual tendencies.
DOROTHY PARKER -
I know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, but in all history, which has held billions and billions of human beings, not a single one ever had a happy ending.
DOROTHY PARKER