“That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”

Oh, seek, my love, your newer way; I’ll not be left in sorrow. So long as I have yesterday, Go take your damned tomorrow!

There is entirely too much charm around, and something must be done to stop it.

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away.

Ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.

If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.

The Monte Carlo casino refused to admit me until I was properly dressed so I went and found my stockings, and then came back and lost my shirt.

By the time you swear you’re his, Shivering and sighing. And he vows his passion is, Infinite, undying. Lady make note of this — One of you is lying.

All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.

Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.

Writing well is the best revenge.

And if my heart be scarred and burned, The safer, I, for all I learned.

Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat.

The only useful thing I ever learned in school was that if you spit on your eraser it erased ink.

I hate writing, I love having written.

Los Angeles: Seventy-two suburbs in search of a city.

Ducking for apples — change one letter and it’s the story of my life.

I’m happier in the way a guy gets happier when he starts to mature. It doesn’t make things easier, but I’m so much better at handling them.

Animals don’t lie. Animals don’t criticize. If animals have moody days, they handle them better than humans do.

All I do is get better.

We can exterminate Ku Kluxism better by recognizing their honesty and teaching them that they are wrong.

Humanity today possesses sufficient economic, cultural and spiritual resources to introduce a better global order.

There’s nothing better than achieving your goals, whatever they might be.

You don’t know what you don’t want, until you know better. Give yourself some grace.

If you’re doing something and keep doing it, you’re gonna get better results.