My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
ERMA BOMBECKHe who laughs lasts.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
ERMA BOMBECK