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I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.

Tim Allen

Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
TIM ALLEN

Easy Family Issues Movie Time
My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
TIM ALLEN

Children Family Father Hero Myself
Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
TIM ALLEN

Death Dog Food Leaving
I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
TIM ALLEN

Age Different Disappoint Love Myself Preference Woman
I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
TIM ALLEN

Children Father Fear Irrational Lose Myself
Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
TIM ALLEN

Hands Path Resistance Yourself
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
TIM ALLEN

Comedy Decision Himself Judgement Sentence Serious Stand
I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
TIM ALLEN

Adult Children Goodness Independent
My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
TIM ALLEN

Death Father Foundation Nature Reminder
I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
TIM ALLEN

Car Myself Thinking Woman
I grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don’t do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn’t like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I’d probably eat vegetables.
TIM ALLEN

Animal Growth Hunter Love Myself Skin Vegetable
When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
TIM ALLEN

Meaning Opposite Smart Yourself
I’ve gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I’m back to a flip-phone. It’s funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they’re considered antiques.
TIM ALLEN

Consider Funny Phone Technology
Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
TIM ALLEN

Animal Borrow Man Tools
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
TIM ALLEN

Dangerous Floor Ground Himself Stick
Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, “And let there be aluminum siding.” Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree’s on a golf course, all the better.
TIM ALLEN

Better Built God Man Prayer Sound Tree Worship

I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.

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I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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